IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME YOU SHOWED UP
We've been expecting you...
There's a crapload of useless auto detailing services out there.
Graphene coatings,
and a bunch of other bullsh*t that your car doesn't need.
So, if you'd rather not waste your time and money on overpriced, overhyped detailing services, stick with us for the next 3 minutes.
We've got a foolproof plan that won't break the bank or your heart. You're welcome.
Now you're probably thinking...
Why is this happening?
There's been a major shift in car's paint manufacturing.
Your car's paint used to be as thick as a credit card but now is as thin as a dollar bill.
And BECAUSE it's this thin, it's less durable and
extremely vulnerable to harsh environmental elements...
The culprit?
Well, a few things actually. And we promise we'll show you exactly how to fix this problem.
But first let's take a look at what creates
"Oxidation Dysfunction".
Oxidation Dysfunction #1: UV Rays.
One of the biggest paint oxidation myths? Direct sunlight.
That's not the full story.
Oxidation happens from heat and oxygen. But the heat? It’s from UV rays.
UV light hits the clear coat, penetrates, and heats the paint.
This lets oxygen waltz right in, and as the metal heats up, the fading kicks off.
California’s sunny skies? They’re packing some of the strongest UV rays in the US.
Oxidation Dysfunction #2: Salt
You might find the salty air along the coast refreshing. But your car? Not so much...
Salt essentially f*cks up your car: rust on the undercarriage, motor mounts, exhaust pipes, and body panels.
The real trouble comes with salt sitting on surfaces, especially under UV rays — California’s specialty.
As it heats, salt crystals eat away at the clear coat, then the paint, and eventually the bare metal, causing rapid rust.
Oxidation Dysfunction #3: Pollution
Los Angeles and pollution? No sh*t Sherlock.
Even top fuel-efficient engines burn only 95% of their fuel.
Diesel and other unrefined fuels? Even worse.
The leftover fuel? Blown out as pollution... yuck.
This produces excessive amounts of carbon particles in the air that end up on your car's paint...
And guess what? Carbon particles are tiny, hard, and jagged little bastards.
They scratch the hell out of your clear coat, leading to oxidation and faded paint.
So, now what?
Well, you could do what this gentleman does every night to protect his investment.
That's crazy!
We don't recommend this, it will break your back and bank account.
Now, if you’re more a DIY kind of person.
You could go to Autozone, buy some products, spend $227 and 4 hours of your time.
Now I know what you're thinking
Yeah, yeah, you're just trying to freak me out into buying your crap.
"I take my car to the car wash every other week and it looks fine to me"
Look, we get what you're saying.
But here's the deal...
Car Washes: Great for Daily Grime,
But Not Enough for Lasting Shine.
Regular car washes keep your car looking good and that's important!
But just like brushing your teeth doesn't keep them white forever.
Car washes can't tackle deep dirt that dulls your paint.
That's why...
We decided to bridge the GAP
That's right we're choosing to be different.
Give oxidation Dysfuction the middle finger...
After hundreds of formulas and thousands of hours in research, testing and development we finally perfected the Detox Anti-Aging™ formula that removes paint destroying contaminants and prevents OXIDATION DYSFUNCTION.
It's a 3-in-1 formula, that clean the pores of your paint, removes contaminants and adds a layer of protection to Keep your ride young and fresh, like a Kardashian without the drama..
"Treat your car to a spa day without the spa price. We start at $167.".
Disclaimer: Additional charges apply for black cars, as well as for removing swirl marks, tree sap, scratches and water spots, etc.
Do-nothing
$0
Invest $0 and continue to rust for free.
May lead to unexpected compliments, a newfound appreciation for decay, or a sudden urge to start a rust-art collective..
Detox Plus
$167
Deep-cleaning treatment removes stubborn grime and impurities, leaving your paint refreshed and rejuvenated. It's like a facial for your car, but without the cucumber slices...
14 days of protection*
Detox Elite
$297
Deep-cleaning treatment removes stubborn grime and impurities, leaving your paint refreshed and rejuvenated. It's like a facial for your car, but without the cucumber slices.
6-12 months protection*
Here's some gossip except it's real...
There are a ton of detailers.
| Gloss Boss | Other guys | |
|---|---|---|
| Double money back guarantee | Yes | No |
| Licensed, Bonded & Insured | Yes | No |
| Small batch lab tested | Yes | No |
| Try it before you buy | Yes | No |
You may still be skeptical.
Your momma told you not to talk to strangers and this has sort of stayed in your subconscious over the decades,
stinking up your brain like left-over Thai food...
and today at twenty or thirty or forty or fifty or however old you are
You can hear your momma's voice telling you not to buy things from strangers, either.
Here's a photo of me and my family so you can match a face with a name...
Frequently asked questions
Clearly, you've got the smarts to make it this far – impressive. I look forward to hearing from you.
Javier Virgen
P.S
Aaaaaah you made it, to the warm and cozy place in the PS section.
And, in case you're one of those people who just skip to the end, here's the deal:
We promise to deep clean your car's paint, remove contaminants and provide protection, eliminating future hassles.
All with a double money-back guarantee for your peace of mind.
DOUBLE P.S
Seriously? Still reading? Who hurt you?...
Okay, look. This is a limited time offer.
We've only manufactured a limited amount of the Detox Anti-Aging™.
Once it fully runs out you'll have to wait for the next lot.
And I don't know how long this will take.
AllI can tell you is that there's no catch to this offer.
No shenanigans of any kind. (pinky promise)
So join the waitlist and see if your car qualifies.
TRIPLE P.S
Holy sh*t, you're still here? What are you looking for magic? Is that what you want?
Look, I don't know what else to tell you.
What I will say is this.
I'll personally guarantee you a baby butt smooth paint finish or I will hand you $1000 cash for wasting your time.
How's that for magic?
Fill out the form and find out if your car qualifies.
Tick-tock.
Tick-tock.
You won't regret it.
Intentionally made in America
Far to many products are made outside the USA.
We proudly manufacture our products here.
