IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME YOU SHOWED UP
We've been expecting you...
I “How I Destroyed My Neighbor’s Perfect Day”
My neighbor owns a BMW. Last week he got it detailed
and paid $350.
He walks over to my driveway, beaming with pride: "Looks perfect, right?"
I'll give him credit - the car looked stunning. Mirror finish. Showroom clean.
"Want to try something?" I said, handing him a sandwich bag from my kitchen.
"What's this for?"
"Just slide your hand inside and rub it across your paint."
The scratchy, scuffing sound that followed
made his face drop.
"What the hell is that noise?"
That sound? It's your paint literally disintegrating under your fingertips.
Oxidation Dysfunction. The disease nobody talks about.
The question you’re probably asking
"How did this happen? I take care of my car."
Look, we get what you're saying.
Your eyes evolved to detect tigers,
not molecular degradation.
Here's what's changed since you bought your first car:
Modern automotive paint is roughly 60% thinner than it was two decades ago.
There's been a major shift in automotive manufacturing economics.
Your car's paint used to be as thick as a credit card but now is as thin as a dollar bill.
And BECAUSE it's this thin, it's less durable and extremely vulnerable to harsh environmental
Elements...
This wouldn't matter much,
Except for three environmental factors that
Have intensified:
Ultraviolet radiation
-
Oxidation happens when these free radicals
Invite oxygen molecules to the molecular
Destruction party.
Salt crystallization
-
Coastal air carries salt ions they travel
100+ miles inland.Your car is marinating
in a molecular acid bath.
Particulate pollution
- microscopic carbon
2.5 million microscopic fragments per gallon
Of LA air. All targeting your investment.
Deposits that embed like tiny shards
Your paint system wasn't designed for this
Combination. It's like asking a silk shirt to do the job of kevlar.
Think about this like your annual physical
You feel fine. You look healthy.
But you still see your doctor once a year.
Because problems often develop invisibly,
and early detection beats emergency treatment every time.
Your paint has the same vulnerability.
Surface cleanliness masks subsurface deterioration.
The difference is, your paint doesn't have a doctor. Until now.
The limitations of current solutions
You've probably tried the conventional approaches:
Regular washing removes visible contamination -
essential, but insufficient for subsurface issues.
Waxing provides temporary protection -
like sunscreen that wears off in the rain.
Polishing creates optical clarity -
Essentially makeup for automotive surfaces.
Ceramic coatings promise permanence -
At premium prices with maintenance requirements that would make a yacht owner wince.
None of these address the underlying contamination
That's already embedded in your paint.
We created what didn’t exist
After watching smart people invest in solutions
That treat symptoms rather than causes, we developed something different.
Detox Anti-Aging Treatment-
The first category specifically designed
To remove, not mask, the contaminants that cause paint degradation.
Not detailing. Not correction. Not protection.
Remediation.
We extract the embedded contamination that
conventional methods leave behind.
Think of it as periodontal therapy for your clear coat.
Detox-Anti-Aging treatment.
After hundreds of formulas and thousands of hours in research
Testing and development we finally perfected Detox Anti-Aging Treatment.
THE ONLY formula that removes paint destroying contaminants and prevents OXIDATION DYSFUNCTION.
It's a 3-in-1 formula, that clean the pores of your paint, removes
contaminants and adds a layer of protection to
Keep your ride young and fresh, like a Kardashian without the drama..
"Treat your car to a spa day without the spa price. $277.".
Disclaimer: Additional charges apply for black cars, as well as for removing swirl marks, tree sap, scratches and water spots, etc.
Do-nothing
$0
Invest $0 and continue to rust for free.
May lead to unexpected paint polishing bill $900/$1500 down the road.
Detox Anti-Aging Treatment
$277
Deep-cleaning treatment removes stubborn grime and impurities, leaving your paint refreshed and rejuvenated. It's like a facial for your car, but without the cucumber slices...
Here's some gossip except it's real...
We’re Not Detailers — We’re Paint Detox Specialists.
| GLOSSBOSS | THEM |
|---|---|
| Molecular-level intervention | Surface-level theater |
| Laboratory-tested formula | Whatever's trending on TikTok |
| Double money back guarantee | Satisfaction guaranteed (meaningless |
| Licensed,Bonded & Insured | Weekend warrior operations |
| Quantum contamination removal | Soap and prayer |
You may still be skeptical.
Your momma told you not to talk to strangers and this has sort of stayed in your subconscious over the decades,
stinking up your brain like left-over Thai food...
and today at twenty or thirty or forty or fifty or however old you are
You can hear your momma's voice telling you not to buy things from strangers, either.
Here's a photo of me and my family so you can match a face with a name...
Frequently asked questions
Alright,enough chit-chat.
At this point, saying "no" is just choosing expensive ignorance over cheap prevention.
- Try it before you buy it.
- No need to drive, we come to you.
- If we don't deliver baby butt smooth finish we pay you $1000 cash.
Find out if your car qualifies for treatment.
Clearly, you've got the smarts to make it this far – impressive. I look forward to hearing from you.
Javier Virgen
P.S
Aaaaaah you made it, to the warm and cozy place in the PS section.
And, in case you're one of those people who just skip to the end, here's the deal:
We promise to deep clean your car's paint, remove contaminants and provide protection, eliminating future hassles.
All with a double money-back guarantee for your peace of mind.
DOUBLE P.S
Seriously? Still reading? Who hurt you?...
Okay, look. This is a limited time offer.
We've only manufactured a limited amount of the Detox Anti-Aging™.
Once it fully runs out you'll have to wait for the next lot.
And I don't know how long this will take.
AllI can tell you is that there's no catch to this offer.
No shenanigans of any kind. (pinky promise)
So join the waitlist and see if your car qualifies.
TRIPLE P.S
Holy sh*t, you're still here? What are you looking for magic? Is that what you want?
Look, I don't know what else to tell you.
What I will say is this.
I'll personally guarantee you a baby butt smooth paint finish or I will hand you $1000 cash for wasting your time.
How's that for magic?
Fill out the form and find out if your car qualifies.
Tick-tock.
Tick-tock.
You won't regret it.